User Profile

Just your average run-of-the-mill painslut. Actually, I am just discovering my masochistic side. Over the past few months I have had fantasies of being humiliated and degraded, bound and gagged, raped and tortured. Not to the point of death, I fear death but I hate life. I very much want to live to experience these things over and over again. (I do have a strange fascination with death, serial killers in particular.) The feeling of helplesness, shamelessness, the total power exchange, the loss of control, these thoughts send me writhing in total and extreme ecstacy. I have yet to venture very far down this path however. To date I have only dabbled on the fringes of bondage and submission and I spend most of my time exploring this new sexually deviant side of myself. I have been a sexual deviant pretty much all my life though, but usually with a more dominant personality. Not a Domme, just turned on by domination. As a woman, my sexual interests have always been too questionable to talk about and be open with. This submissive/pain loving/wanting part of me is new.

More about me.. I am 33 (34 June 9th), bisexual, consider myself to be above average in the looks department, but there is a lot to be said about a woman with brains and charisma, so I think those qualities contribute quite a bit to my over all sexyness.. hehe, yeah right, but it sounds good anyway.. I have an 18 year old daughter thats pregnant, so now I am also a grandma.. my friends call me GILF. LoL.. I am intelligent, educated, funny, witty and just an all-around alright gal, at least on the outside. On the inside, I'm a lot more sick and disturbed. I think it has a lot to do with my extremely high level of intelligence and the reality that the human race is a viral plague upon the face of this precious earth. I have many friends, but only 1 that's close enough to call "real". The rest are all just people looking to add the so called "cool, alternative, sexually liberal, rebellious, non-conformist" chick to their resume of friends so they can be cool too, and frankly I can't stand any of them - the bastards.

I'm not hard to get along with unless you try to take advantage of me. I love to read (all kinds of books), watch movies (horror), listen to music (all kinds, but my heart lies with metal) and work out at the gym. I also love to spend time doing outdoor activities, traveling, camping, fishing, hiking etc. I love animals which is proven by the 3 dogs, 2 cats and 1 fish that I share a habitation with. I'm a musician, I smoke, I drink (but not as much lately as I have become a VERY violent drunk), I do party drugs, I'm addicted to pain killers, not physically, but they are my drug of choice by far. I love writing.. anything.. stories, poetry, journals - hence my interest in this website. I do have a boyfriend, but you will hear more about that in the journal I suppose. I love my solitude and spend a lot of time thinking about my life and what's missing in it. I'm not depressed, just pissed off. Aside from that, life is good.

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